The Parts of “Sleep Training” I Personally Don’t Agree With

As children, we question everything.
We ask “why?” constantly, challenge rules, and aren’t afraid to say “no” when something feels uncomfortable or doesn’t make sense to us. Even when adults explained things, we still questioned them. Children are learning from the moment they are born, constantly trying to understand the world around them and decide what feels safe, true, and right.
As adults, I think many of us slowly lose some of that curiosity. We become more likely to accept information simply because it came from an “expert” or an authority figure. Sometimes it feels easier to follow advice than stop and ask ourselves whether it actually aligns with our own instincts.
When I began studying sleep consulting, I absolutely loved my course. But I also knew there would probably be some things I didn’t fully agree with, and I challenged myself to really think critically about them instead of just accepting every piece of advice as fact.
You may disagree with some of my views, and that’s completely okay. Parenting is incredibly personal. The important thing is that you’re thinking about these things and making informed decisions that feel right for your own family.

1. “Monster Spray” and Other Ways We Accidentally Reinforce Childhood Fears
If you’ve never heard of “monster spray,” it’s usually a spray bottle filled with water that parents decorate with their child and spray around the room before bed to “keep monsters away.”
I completely understand why parents do this. It comes from a place of love and reassurance.
But personally, I worry that sometimes it can unintentionally reinforce the fear instead of easing it.
To a child, it may confirm that monsters could exist and that the spray is what keeps them safe.
When I was younger, my own dad used to check my room before bed. He’d look under the bed, open cupboards, and reassure me that no one was there.
At the time, I know he was trying to help me feel safe.
But in my anxious little brain, it actually confirmed the fear.
What if he missed somewhere? What if someone came in after he left? What if I fell asleep and something happened?
Now, you may be thinking: “Emma… you were clearly an anxious child.”
And honestly, you’d be correct.
But I also think that if a child is expressing these fears, there’s usually already some genuine anxiety behind them. That’s why I personally prefer approaches that focus more on emotional safety and honest reassurance rather than leaning into the fear itself.

What I Prefer Instead

Step 1: Validate the Fear
No dismissing. No laughing. No “you’re too brave for monsters.”
Just listening.
“A lot of children feel scared about monsters sometimes. Do you want to talk about it?”
One of the scariest things for a child is feeling unheard or dismissed.

Step 2: Be Honest and Reassuring
I truly believe children remember more than we think they do.
That doesn’t mean parents should never tell a harmless white lie. Parenting is hard, and none of us get everything perfect. But I do think honesty builds trust and emotional security over time.
For imaginary fears like monsters, I personally prefer explaining that monsters are part of stories and books, just like dragons, goblins, or superheroes. They’re fun and imaginative, but not real.
For more realistic fears, like being scared someone might come into the house, I think reassurance is important too.
“We have locked doors.” “Mommy and Daddy are close by.” “We are safe here.” “There are people around us who love and protect us.”
Children are often more aware of the world around them than we realize, which is why I think talking openly and calmly about fears can sometimes be more powerful than trying to quickly “fix” them.

Step 3: Move Forward, But Keep the Door Open
After talking, move on naturally.
But always leave space for them to come back and talk about their fears again if they need to.
Everything we do for our children comes from love, and in my opinion, helping children feel heard, safe, and emotionally secure is one of the most loving things we can do.

2. Contact Naps
I adore contact naps.
Honestly, I think they can be incredibly beneficial for both babies and parents. They create moments of closeness, connection, calm, and comfort that many parents genuinely treasure.
A lot of sleep consultants prefer avoiding contact naps completely, but personally, that’s not an approach I fully align with.
That doesn’t mean I think every nap should be a contact nap. Far from it.
Sleep training is about helping a child learn to sleep independently, and technically speaking, a contact nap is not an independent sleep association because the parent is actively involved in helping the baby sleep.
However, I personally don’t believe an occasional contact nap is harmful if a child already has strong independent sleep skills overall.
Babies are far more adaptable than many people think. If the majority of naps and bedtime sleep happen independently and consistently, I don’t usually see occasional cuddly naps suddenly undoing all progress.
Of course, if a child begins relying on contact for all sleep, that’s when it may need to be reduced gradually. But I also think parents deserve to enjoy those moments without guilt or fear that they’re “ruining” everything.
The newborn and baby stage is so short.
Parents constantly say, “It goes too fast,” and honestly… they’re right.
I think it’s okay to hold your sleeping baby sometimes.
I think it’s okay to enjoy the cuddles.
And I think independent sleep and emotional connection can absolutely coexist.


3. Cry it out methods

I really try to be open to all possible sleep methods and training techniques. I am fully aware what works for one baby may not for the other. When doing my sleep training I already had an idea that the cry it out method was not for me. This isn't because I believe it's inheriantly harmful to the baby but more so there are other methods that work just as well without it. I also find it to be a method that often parents find extremely difficult, maybe even more so than their baby. Mainly because I believe it goes against every parental instinct that when their baby cries they need to go help them immediately. I think doing a cry it out method it can be harder for a parent to stick with the training, without giving up due to the guilt of the cries or even from societal pressures. I personally think cry it out can work wonders for certain babies with certain parents however this is not something I'd pick first for parents to try, especially when their are methods that align with my more nurturing gentle preference.

Final Thoughts
One of the biggest things Ive learned through childcare, sleep consulting, and working with families is that parenting is rarely black and white.
There are very few topics where every expert agrees, every child responds the same way, or every family feels comfortable doing the exact same thing.
That’s why I think parents deserve space to think critically, ask questions, trust their instincts, and choose approaches that genuinely align with both their child’s needs and their own values.
For me personally, I will almost always lean toward approaches that prioritize emotional connection, responsiveness, honesty, and gentle guidance.
Not because I think parents need to be perfect. Not because I think children should never cry. And not because I believe there is only one “right” way to raise a child.
But because I believe children thrive when they feel safe, supported, understood, and emotionally secure.
And honestly, I think parents do too.
If there’s one thing I hope parents take away from this blog, it’s this:
You are allowed to question things. You are allowed to choose a different approach. And you do not need to parent in a way that feels deeply wrong to you just because someone online called it “the best” method.
The best parenting decisions are rarely made from fear or pressure. They’re usually made from love, thoughtfulness, and truly understanding your own child.